Always the urgency of time. Time ticking, and slipping away. Is it the importance of each moment in it’s self or is it the premature amount of moments that are left? Always urgency.
Don’t wait to write it.
But writing it will take even more time and how can I make money during that time if I’m pausing my life to write it.
Just sit and write it. It will take time and it needs to be done. You need to do it now.
It’s me I think. I don’t like to wait to do anything that I want to do. I do- now. I think it’s me. Why does God get all the blame when I feel like moving irrationally in His name. How often is it really Him? Well, it can be justified, if I write little things that glorify Him and sell them in the meantime, I can generate money to afford to write what He really wants me to write. Wow. It seems so stupid on paper. If God says now, and I say soon, I must know better. I assume He doesn’t take into consideration my 3 second attention span and only my enemy knows how to trip me up. That must be it. Satan is loving that I’m writing this stupid blog of ranting instead of the book. How important I must think I am to acknowledge that he even knows my name. What difference does a girl make for a god in this world? What difference will He make? So often m…you’re freakin’ kidding me!! I couldn’t even finish the stupid sentence without leaving my seat to do something else! How the hell am I supposed to write a book? Short stories, poems, random blog postings…these I can do…with difficulty no less. But a book? And that’s another thing. I curse. I don’t like it and I shouldn’t do it but it’s there in my mind as causally as please and thank you. Hell, damn….yeah, I know, that’s not cursing to most people, but to many it’s unthinkable and unacceptable. One more reason to put it off. I should spend more time in the Word, I should legitimize devotions in my life, fasting might help, prayer. Always in prayer, so I don’t forget to pray. How often has this project been stalled for my self-doubt so I should go pray to make sure when I heard Him, I heard Him. How He must shake His head in frustration at me. Smiling, shaking his head in frustration. Looking at a 5 yr. old trying to put together a 2,000 piece puzzle. That must be how He feels. But still, pushing me from behind. The only obstacle….money. Always money. How faithless I am. How afraid I’ve become.